Peter Giannaris
Caitlin Geoghan
FIQWS 10113 Med 3
Sept 16, 2019
Narrative Essay
When most people see me they ask me if I’m a very dark Italian. Well, I am pretty far from that, I’m half Greek and half Indian. These two distinct cultures travel with me wherever I go. Growing up biracial I never truly had a certain religion, I would always tell friends that I’m half Greek Orthodox and half Jain, but though I love being biracial it does have one drawback. I don’t feel as if I belong to a specific religion, or group of people. For me it’s strange to be apart of both of these cultures and religions. I am Greek and Indian but if I were to spend a day with citizens of those countries I would immediately feel out of place and if I didn’t belong.
My mother was born in America, and had grown up in America, but under Indian values, so she “fits in” with Indian people, Jain (her religion) people, but not as much with American people. My father was born in America, but was back and forth between living in America and Greece as he grew up. He is able to “fit in” with Greek people, Christian people, but not as much with American people. The way the math worked out, I fit in with American people, but not Indian or Greek.
When at a Jain temple, I follow my mother’s lead as we pray to Bhagavan asking for protection and forgiveness. Upon completion of the prayer, I look around the room and feel out of place. I feel lost, in a place that I didn’t belong to. In a place that I am told I fit in by blood, but in reality I don’t fit in at all. I see those dressed up in holy attire. I see those that are on their knees praying, in their place of worship, they are comfortable. I see those that speak Hindi and and how everyone seems like they belong. I see those that have devoted their life to religion, and know all its inner workings. Then, I see myself who doesn’t fit in.
Arriving at the church on Greek Easter, it’s 12 am and everyone goes outside in the front of the church with unlit candles. The priest distributes a flame to one person, and then there is a domino effect and everyone’s candles are lit by one another. The night goes from dark to bright as the church is illuminated by the light. Then, the priest starts leading the prayers, and those around me speak in Greek, and know when and how to sing along. Next, they all say “christos anesti,” and I have to ask my dad what that means. This is the moment where I feel lost, I feel as if the older people around me are judging me for not following along, not knowing what to do. I feel as if I am isolated from Greek people.
But, anywhere else that I have been in my life I don’t feel out of place, I always felt comfortable in high school, from sports to clubs to classes. On the lacrosse field, the color of my skin did not separate me from anyone, the quality of my skills, my leadership, and hardworking nature is what separates me from my teammates. I feel comfortable around all different kinds of people, but I feel like a stranger to my own cultures because of me being biracial.
Growing up with mostly Jewish friends it wasn’t uncommon for me to celebrate Jewish holidays with them. I would sit at their dinner table for Passover as they read the story of Passover out of a special Sater book, I would even join in on the reading. From this experience, I can now go into depth about the history of Passover and why certain traditions occur during the holiday. I do not feel uncomfortable around any people from diverse backgrounds, but I do feel as if I don’t fit in with those that are Indian or Greek.
My parents are both first generation Anericans, so me being second generation has contributed to me drifting farther from the cultural ties and the ways they were raised. Though I don’t think it’s an enormous problem for me to fit in, my mother has an even tougher time as even she does not fit in with Indian people, but it’s harder for her to relate to Americans that have lived here their whole lives. Not belonging to a cultural group with similar experiences is tough, but it is America. One does not need to belong to a group or culture to be happy, the diversity in certain places has led an increase in biracial marriage, and has led to people drifting away from their cultures or religions, as I have. Being biracial does not allow me to commit to one culture which in turn has left me unfamiliar with both of my cultures, it has caused me to become an outsider.
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